The Bearded Man became an A&R at a record label once. Why you ask? Simple, really: he’d always dreamed of being overweight and wearing gold chains that barely covered his monstrous tufts of ivory white chest hair as he sat, gut out, wrapped in nothing but a white towel in a sauna at a spa somewhere, smoking a monstrous cigar. He’d talk business with other people like him and laugh in the steam (there’s nothing like being almost naked with other middle-aged men to get good business deals done), then he’d leave, get in his car and start yelling at people for the next several hours in his convertible as he drove along the coast. When he got to the office (and let’s face it, the office was just a place he’d go to get drunk before he left again and occasionally yelled at some more people), he’d leave almost as soon as he arrived. Yep, the life of an A&R is pretty damn sweet if you ask The Bearded Man. In the end, he got exactly what he came for. However, one day he decided to quit smoking, so he had to leave that world behind. Still, it was fun while it lasted.